1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. The
finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a 'chandelier'
because none of the members knows how to play one.
2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the
two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. When
the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the
offering" and five guys and two women stand up.
4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. Opening
day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests
to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole
it couldn't get out of."
6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The choir is known as the
"OK Chorale".
7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. In a
congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church
directory.
8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. People
think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. The
baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Tarter
" washtub.
10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The
choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's
Barbecue.
11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The collection plates are
really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.
12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.
13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The minister and his wife
drive matching pickup trucks.
14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The communion wine is Boone's
Farm "Tickled Pink".
15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not
covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.
16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya
hear".
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